Thank You for Being A Friend...

I always hear a lot of girls/women say "I dont keep women as friends.." and i think "do they know what that simple statement says about themselves?" I cant lie, I'm guilty of saying it myself, off and on. The rationalization is that men make better friends than women. Women have too many issues, and arent trustful.

Truthfully, some women are catty, some women are petty, some women are jealous, fake, two-faced, envious, miserable, hateful, spiteful, stupid and on and on and on. But you know what else? Some women are sweet, beautiful, decent, honest, enduring, lovely, genuine, lively, simple, supportive, thoughtful, strong, silly (the good kind), selfless, and on and on and on. 

I always think those who make statements like the one i wrote above, really need to look within themself, and also, check where they're meeting these "friends" at. Where and how you meet them plays a bigger part in a friendship than we realize.

These last couple of years, alone, I've met some great women, and i've came across some not so great women. But am I going to let the bad outweigh, the good? Am I going to let one, two or three friendships that ended on a sour note, steer me off the path of making friends with other women, ever again? Nope! If anything, you look at a situation and how it ended and you learn from it. You learn the good, the bad and the ugly. You learn what you dont want in your friends the next time, what you need in a friend, and what matters the most in a friendship.

Us women always assume that even in our Adult life, we already know, from our teenage years, how to make and hold a friendship. But what we never realize, is that 1) learning is a lifelong process, and 2) making and holding friendships, as adult women, is a lot harder than when you were a teenager and 3) With every new friendship that comes along, at any age, you are always learning, everyday, to make and hold that person as your friend, everyday. When you were a teen, there were numerous things that bonded you together as friends - boys, music, your favorite band (*cough NKOTB cough*), sports, extra-curricular activities, etc. Those are stepping stones. These are the main interests that allows you to get past the awkward moment of meeting someone and gives you something to talk about, which segways into something else, the building of a friendship. Most of us, at a young age, found the deep inner bond in that friendship then, and held onto it throughout life, others outgrow each other and move along. Some of us, fall out of friendship with each other and move along, it is what it is. As an Adult woman, its a lot harder to make a new friend, find a common interest, and go from there. Which leads me to my original thoughts: Friendship.

The truth is this, as women, we can rant and rave all day about how "i dont need other women as friends" all we want, but in actuality, you do. It says a lot about you if you have a few good Girlfriends in your corner. More than it'll say about you, if you only have "homeboys" in your corner. It takes, or rather, it shows how much confidence and strength you have as a woman, to be able to make, hold and have a few good chics as friends. Women are emotional creatures, and there are a few men, who are also, but there arent too many men, who'll sit on the phone listening to you as you cry your heart out, because you believe you've failed yourself  and feel defeated. There arent too many men who'll tell you the same 5 good things about yourself over and over and over, because they know that, no matter how many times they've said it in the past, it still needs to be said, and sometimes, it feels good to be said. There arent too many men who can pick up a cue from a few simple words, and know that something is wrong with their friend, and make a quick 10-15 minute phone call as you ramble on about your frustration. A male friend is good, yes, but a Female friend is better. Yes, a man as your friend can and will build you up, have your back, make you laugh, and the two of you can conquer the world. Yes, there will be some men who can be your best friend since "whenever", who's never let you down, and will never let you down and come through with you and for you like no one else you know. I've seen it, I have it, I know it exists. But the honest truth, in my opinion, is that there isnt a better suited friend for a woman, like a woman.

I like, sometimes, talking about the same things over and over and over, and laughing at them from a new angle every day. I like discovering new things to talk about with those friends as well. I like that I dont have to speak, sometimes, for them to get what I'm talking about, or when I dont want to talk about something, at that moment. I love laughing on the phone until some ungodly hour with my friends. I like doing the craziest and most hilarious things with my friends. There's a silliness that exists in the friendships of women & women, that doesnt always exist in the friendship of a woman & man. But moreso, there's a peacefulness that comes with having a few good girlfriends in your back. There's a sweetness that comes with knowing you have some the best chics in your corner. There's a humbleness you gain when you have A Few Good WoMen around you to experience life with.

This is My Truth: I cherish my friendships and the bonds I've built in them a lot more than I cherish the bonds I have with my own family. My friends have came through for me, sometimes more than my own family have. I grew up in a house where the boys outnumbered the girls, greatly. Its 11 grandchildren in my family and two of us are girls. I do have an older half-sister, but i didnt grow up around/with her. So I never had the whole "Big Sister" experience. I have two Godsisters, one who's just coming of age, but still i'm not as close to them, as I am to some of my "friends".

The friendships I've made over the last couple years, have been some of the most beautiful things i've come to know and experience. The friendsships i've made in the last5 years, in general, have taught and shown me a lot more than any other friendship i've had. The friendsship I started 10 years ago, working at SoSoDef Records, has become the building block and learning point from which i've actually maintained all new friendships circa 2007. 

It's amazing how 1 person, can show and teach you so much, about yourself. So imagine what 4 people can do. Imagine what 6, 7 and even 8 can do.  I'm actually a very closed off person, or rather i used to be. In the last year or so, I've actually opened up so much to one person, that truthfully, she's the only person who knows me. I'm talking, completely. Which leads me to something else: Trust in friendships.

The reason I've always been a closed off person, even in freidnships, is that when I did open myself up, people mocked me for being me. I was good on certain parts, but me, as a whole, wasnt good enough. I hid things, parts, stuff about me because i knew, they wouldnt accept it or understand it. I pretended to like things, I didnt like and became interested in things, that I didnt like to suit them. The numerous times i did open up, I got laughed at, mocked, and judged. So what happens when you get all that back, from a "friend?" You close yourself off. And thats what I did, bottle M. Jaela up. I figured, my "friends" will never get me completely, so might as well hide all my cards, and call it a day.  I'm always scared that in the back of my mind, what I tell someone as a friend, will get thrown back in my face, critically (Contrary to Popular belief, I'm actually a sensitive person). But what I've learned in these last couple years, is this: A real friend, accepts you as is, and is okay with you, as is. I've talked to my "new" (for the sake of the topic) friends, about things I'd never really opened up about before. I've learned that to make and hold a friendship, for as  long as your heart will have it, you have to trust that other person. You have to trust that, the other person, when they do joke about something you've told them, it isnt out of nastiness. It's purely out of love and silliness. You have to trust that what you've told the other person, wont get thrown in your face> You really have to trust that what you've told the other person, they will never judge you, or change their attitude about you, and you wont fall down lower in their eyes. A real friends, see's the other for what they are, Human, errored and flawed and imperfectly perfect, as we are made to be.

So this year, along with making new friends, i've also learned to trust more and not pull back on who I am so much. I'm still going to have my moments of doubt, but those good friends of mine, will do what they always do and fuss me into opening up, or comfort me into opening up. Good friends provide a "safe haven" for the most difficult of conversations. Thats what friends do, i"m sure its written somewhere! I've also learned to stop picking and choosing friends, somewhat, to just let things be. Sometimes, women make friends with others, for the most vapid reasons. Some will make friends with women "less pretty" than themself, because they want to be the prettiest one in the group, and collect all the attention. Some will make friends with others, to make themselves look better emotionally - "they always have issues, and i dont, i'm the better person in this friendship", etc. What it all boils down to is competition. Friendship isnt and should never be a "competition of sorts" amongst each other. A real Champion is a person who can help others, whether they're winning or losing, so a real friend is a person who can look beyond the specifics and make that person their friend, regardless. Because if you're making friends with other "less pretty" chics to make yourself look good, what happens when you become the "unpretty" chic. What if theyre more vapid than you thought, and wouldnt want to be your friends (sidenote: thats when you know you're fucked: when the "ugly" chics dont even want to be YOUR friend!). To be honest, I was always the ugly chic with pretty, "ugly" and average friends. When people would say "so n so is a bitch and think she's all that,' I'd be like "really, she's cool to me!" :)

So why not throw caution to the window, and start trusting blindly another woman to be your friend. You might get hurt, you might experience a lil pain, but you might also experience a lil joy and happiness too. You might also find yourself, thanking God for bringing these beautiful women into your life, because you might not have made it all the way through a hardcore, everything is going wrong, and i'm a failure and a fraud Tuesday without them. Friendships, like all things in life, arent guarantee's of happiness and worry-free shopping trips and conversations. Like Life, there's good, bad, and ugly there too, but its how you choose to deal and accept it that matters. If you choose to take the good with the bad in a friendship, then thats your choice, so learn to deal with it. Also, like life, friendships are about CHOICE. You choose to remain friends with the negative person, so you cant complain too much when theyre being themselves. You choose to make friends with the stripper, so you cant complain too much about the job she does. Its a choice. Choose to stay and remain, or break it off and keep it moving. In a friendship, what's for you, is for you and no one else.

Life is what it is: a great big ol ball of some of this, some of that and every damn thing else mixed in. And what you realize in the process of existing in and living it, is that you're going to need A Few Good Women by your side to help you get you through it. You're going to have to trust those chics also, and expect that in return. Its a frienship, that -ship part deems it a "relationship", and like all relationships, its takes two (or 3+) to make it work, and work good, and last long. Yea, I probably say things that make my friends go "okay, jaela!" I'm not the most easiest person in the world. I fuss a lot, argue a lot, talk a lot of smack. I'm a Taurus, i have a strong mind, i overthink and I'm very opinionated.  What I do know, is that those who stuck around, looked past all of that, and still saw my heart and love it regardless of all my crazy flaws, are the people I'm proud to say are my Friends, and those are the ones I tell almost daily, Thank You for Being My Friend...