The Sweet Sixteen Letter

If you wrote a letter to yourself at 16, what would it say? Here's mine:


Dear M;

Jamal is not the best you can do. You can do better, and you deserve better. Don't let the fantasy (popularity) of him, the "privilege" of getting to be with him jade you. After the first time, you shouldve left him alone. You weren't satisfied then, and no boy's ego should've been built up as high as you built his up, sexually. You're truly going to waste your energy and the next two and a half years with this one girlie.

Donna isn't and never was your "friend." No friend tells you what she told you that summer day sitting outside on her dad's car. No friend would ever crush your dream the way she did that day. No friend should treat you the way she does. No friend plots with two other "friends" to steal your journal, read it and then confront you about your personal and private thoughts, convictions, beliefs and outlook on life. No friend plots with those same two other "friends" to confront Jamal, and ask him all about the two of you screwing around. It isn't their business to know what's your secret to keep. No friend consorts with other friends to make your life misrable the way she does. I wish you knew then what jealousy, envy and deception looks like,  because its in the physical form of Donna. She's a toxic friend, and a very toxic person. Once you cut her loose, don't allow her to return into your life.  No friend will ever break your spirits the way she will do later on. I know you believe because you've known her for so long, that she really is your friend but the truth is, she isn't. True friendships aren't built by how long you've known someone, they're built by the people themselves. You'll connect instantly and deeply with so many better people, why waste your time and energy on one toxic person

Make more friends than the ones you had already, and create more memories at Beach High. You cheated yourself out of so many wonderful friends and experiences by "following the bandwagon" and doing the dumb shit you did. I know you had so many expectations of high school, and the culture of high school, and I know you keep thinking you're not finding it. What you don't know, but will find out when you transfer to Jenkins, is that what you were looking for was right in front of you all the time.

Go against the grain. Figure out what you love and follow your heart. You figured out that you don't want to be a pediatrician after all, but that you love taking pictures and writing, so go with it. Follow it until you can't follow it no more.

The best thing about you is this; somehow, you've always been "protected" from harm's way. The only time you've been without it is when you've put yourself in harm's way. A lot of people don't survive the streets at night, hanging out and walking around them the way you did. A lot of young girls have had things happen to them because they like being out at night, but you never have. You're a night owl, and that's a good thing. It also means that you're Fearless. That's another thing, you're more Fearless than you realize. You take risks just cause and fear it when its over. You do stuff because people tell you not to, or don't do it, or they're too scared to do it themselves. Its always you who's stepped up and said "fuck it, I'll do it!" with the smile of a champion whose already accompolished the act, before she's even begun it. Everybody says it anyway, "you know Keda will do it." They say indirectly, what you don't even realize, you're fucking Fearless girl. Go with it throughout life.

You don't have an attitude, that is literally who you are. You're a quick-tempered person, naturally. Don't worry, you'll learn to curb it later on and wield the power of your temper when necessary. It'll come in handy, and by then you'll have 80% control of it... But there will be those moments when it'll jump up out of nowhere.

Do your work in high school. You're so much more intelligent than what you let on to be. Instead of playing the basic role of a regular student, apply yourself and show them you can do the work. You're doing everyone else in the class's homework anyway, why not do yours too.

You won't realize it then so I'm telling you now; you LOVE History.  That's why Ms. Hart pulled you out of class and had that "you can do so much better than what you're doing" talk with you. She saw it in you, and knew it was there. That's why you did so well in Coach Simon's history class. That's why you read the whole history book without being told, and before the class got to those chapters. Except when it comes to math, the truth of the matter is this; you love learning, period.

Date more in high school. It'll mean so much more than you'll ever realize, later on in your life. That guy really did like you, and you and her were never really "friends" friends to the point of him being off limits. Date Mario.

Elaine will never "accept" you for who, how and what you truly are as a person. She will always try to change you into something you're not, use simple words to hurt you, and guilt you into doing what she wants, and will never get you and how you work. Move on and make peace with it now, because it will somehow always hurt you later on. She loves you, but she doesn't know you. Your parents will never "trust" you because they have their own issues and ideas about "how to raise children" that don't make sense at all. It never will make sense. And they will never get a divorce either, so you will not be getting that brand new Stepfather for christmas. It is what it is.

Occupy yourself and get a job, girlie. You'll thank me later for starting out early on this one.

A few things more; life will always go around and around for you. Life will always be great, good and cool one moment and then go straight to hell the next and then go right back to the former for you. I want to tell you this now, so you'll know how to ride those waves that will hit you like a tsunami later on. I need you to find and acknowledge the inner strength you already exude and realize it. You're a tough fucking cookie to bite into, and I need you to always remember that.

Don't get so lost in the "social experiment" side of things because it costed you a lot of other stuff. You're greatest asset to your world is your cousin Taurus. You know this then, and you'll know it forever. You two are more like sister and brother to and for each other than you are to your own siblings. This will be the person that's gonna make sure you have fun, experience fun, protect you, fight for you, and chauffeur you around town. Even when he knows "how you mom is," he'll still take you out riding around with him at 12, 1 and 2am just cause. He was born your cousin, but exists as your "brother." But this I'll never have to look back and tell you; you'll always know this. Even when you leave Savannah. Ga for Atlanta, the tie will never break between you two. Also, Cornelius will grow up and make you so proud.

One of the things (out of many) I'm proud of the most about you is that as book smart and intelligent as you are, you're just as equally street smart.

You will always have the most eclectic group of friends. You will always know how to charm people. You will move about the many cliques of people you're friends with, with the ease of a politician. You will always attract people with you're magnetic personality, sarcastic wit, smart ass mouth, sassy character, and truths you always speak. You're always going to never be afraid to speak your mind; its the best thing about you. Some people will never "get you." It's cool, some get along, some don't. Your family will always be the best and the worst thing about you.

I know that the pains, the worries, and the heartaches will eventually fade, go away, grow old, and move on, but I also know to tell you, that yes, at that moment, it does matter. Because no one else will say it, yes you are allowed to feel how you feel. Let no one tell or make you feel any different. You're a strongly emotioned girl, this will never ever change.  You will always feel harder, love deeper, and laugh louder about things. You will always understand human behavior better than those around you, don't be weirded out by it, just go with it. You will know and understand pain (and pleasure) better than anyone will ever understand. You're very insightful. You'll love music harder than people will ever know. Every sound, beat and Melody will always be a memory in time to you. You'll love "Marky" Mark Wahlberg just the same. You are a fighter to the finish, and "sadly" not a quitter. You know and recognize the power of words better than most. Just as much as people effect you, you'll effect them also.

At the end of it all, you truly are and will always be one of a kind. You are a certifiable Original Person. You won't know this then, so that's why I'm writing you this letter now.


Love,
"Forever Young-At-Heart, but all grown up and yet still a Rebel" M.


P.S. Not many people will believe your real age when you hit 31, so girlie quit telling people your 2 yrs older just cause you know they won't question you... Okay, maybe not stop, but just don't do it so much.


P.P.S. You will always love "Marky" Mark Wahlberg, and no man can break this Addiction/Fancy/Fetish/etc. If he does, you might want to think about keeping him around for the long haul! He has to be the shit if broke you from this "spell."